Gratitude, Responsibility and Faith

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dear God,

It’s been a very long time since I got up at this hour to write—perhaps not since I lived in Oregon. Even then it did not become routine. Being up at this hour reminds me of the times of old when I would go to the riverfront to write.

As I think about going back to begin my family life, I realize that I could get up and have a few minutes alone with you each day before my family begins its day. The thought comforts me.

So, those are my thoughts this morning. What’s on your mind and heart today?

 My dear and glorious son,

     I praise you. I sing to the heavens of the glory that is you. It has been a very long times     since you got up specifically just to write with me. I do love it when we can spend this magic hour together.

This hour just at the break of dawn has always been very magical for me, for us.

I am glad that the memory warms your heart as it does mine. My dear and glorious son, my heart is truly warmed this morning. I am filled with my love for you—and my heart is warmed by your continued faith.

As you know, I don’t think of myself as being particularly faithful. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am a man of faith but I seem to hold the idea of being faithful for those of the clergy. I think of the orders of monks who get up to say prayers or orders of sisters who hold prayer vigils every day. These are acts of devotion. I am but an ordinary man of faith.

While I do not always appreciate when you try to minimize yourself in comparison to others, I do celebrate you this day as an “ordinary man of faith.”

Regardless of your own judgments, you do have an extraordinary faith—a faith in love, in life, in yourself and, yes, with me. Many, many, and many times you have acted in faith beyond reason. Even this morning is beyond reason. 

You are tired, your bed beckons you, yet here you sit watching the sun come up. And what is the reason for this, my son? Is there some burden upon your heart? Is there something on your mind? The answer to all of these questions is no. 

The simple truth is that you got up to write simply in remembrance that we once did so. This is a sign of both your faith and your devotion.

Do not think that you do not measure up against my devoted, or my most devoted—for you do. I have said it before and repeat it again this morning—you are one of the most faithful men I know. 

I rejoice in those words. I am a man of great faith, and perhaps even a great man of faith.

My dear and most loving son, you are a great man of love as well. You continually allow your heart—your love—to guide your life. You recently attend a class on “Anchoring the Heart-Centered Life.” You could have just as easily taught the class as to have attended it. 

I am not sure that I have concrete ideas of how one lives such a life. Oh, I know I live a heart-centered life or at least I do most of the time. Yet it doesn’t seem like such an extraordinary thing but simply the way I live my life.

    You cannot be much more anchored than to live your everyday life in such a manner.

Even now, in these moments, in these quiet moments of faith and devotion, your mind and heart are filled with thoughts of what you have come to think of as “your family.” This is an extraordinary feat of your heart.

I sincerely hope not. I hope it is not an extraordinary feat but just an ordinary one. I cannot imagine there are many men who are not also thinking about their families as they start their days.


I pray that you do not glorify me today for my thoughts for all this is new to me. It is easy to them (my family) on my mind and heart this morning.

Please, my dear God, hold your glory for the morning when being part of a family becomes routine. Wait until getting up early before my family starts its day just so I can spend with you becomes routine. Wait until that day to sing my praises.

But for today, I praise and glorify those fathers who get up at the crack of dawn to go to jobs that they don’t necessarily like just to provide for their families. They are tired and don’t have the time to spend with you before they start their days. I cannot and will not judge them as being faithless because they do not start their days with devotions with you. I do not start my day with devotions to you either. Do not sing my praises.

It is too late for such requests or even demands. I will sing your praises as I see fit. Just as I sing the praises of fathers and mothers who get up at the crack of dawn to trudge off to thankless jobs—all in an effort to provide for their families. 

I grant that you do not yet have a routine of devotion. I acknowledge you do not yet get up before the dawn just to spend a little time with me before spending time with your family as they start their day. I acknowledge all of that. Just as I acknowledge that it is on your heart to do so. 

I reiterate—you are a great man of faith, a man of great faith. Few men in your situation would see the advantage of getting up early to spend time with me. They would not see or understand the benefit for their families. Few men. And I will and do sing your praises accordingly. I sing to the heavens on your behalf.

Perhaps instead of arguing with you that you are praising me before the act, I could simply express my gratitude for this family. I thank you for bringing this family to me. I thank you for trusting me with this family.

I never thought I would have such a family. It is such a precious, precious gift that I do not think I would have appreciated at a previous time in my life. I think I would have only seen the burden--a consequence to my actions.

This family is a consequence of your actions; it is a consequence of your heart. These children do not come from your loins, yet you love them so dearly. You love them so dearly that tears came to your eyes out of gratitude. Do you realize how great of a man of heart, of faith that you are? Yet you think, it is untold for me to sing your praises?

My dear God, I come to family late in my life; at a time when I can appreciate the gift that such a family is.

I observe that many men only truly appreciate their families as it matures. I think they get so caught up in the routine of providing for and raising their families that they take it for granted. I think the moments that they cherish their families is fleeting. I do not wish--in any way--to diminish their devotion to their families for I do know they love their families.

But, my dear Lord, I have not done anything to bring this family into fruition. I do not know what it means to be responsible for a family--neither in its creation or in its continued sustenance. I have not been burdened by said responsibilities--and in fact will not be so burdened with this family. I am not currently burdened with going to a job to provide for said family.

So it is easy for me to cherish this family, to cherish "my" family. I am grateful for this opportunity, but it does not mean I am worthy of your praise. Instead, my dear Lord, hold your praise for those men, for those women who have been responsible for their actions. Praise those who get up and start another day even though they are tired. Praise those who do not have the time to start their days with devotions to you because they are devoted to their families. Praise those who are so devoted to their families that they lose themselves—they forget who they are except in the context of family.

My dear son, I realize you are on a tirade for all the unsung, under-praised heroes of all the unsung families—but I will not allow you to dismiss the significance of what you are doing.

It cannot be ignored that many have observed you to be an extremely selfish man who has done what he wanted when he wanted. Many thought your actions of retiring to go off to write a book—even if it was with me—to be a very selfish act. Some even thought it as the act of being irresponsible. 

Few, I repeat, few saw it as the act of faith it was. And few will see you going back to Illinois to be the head of this family as the act of it is as well. But I see it, I know it to be such an act and I do sing your praises because of it!

I do not care if they understand why I do what I do.

And I repeat—you are a great man of faith, man of great faith.

More than a few will think this is something that I am playing at and that I will not be responsible for my actions. They will wonder how long I will stick to this. And I must admit that I wonder too. My dear Lord, I have been lead to many things—mostly by you—and I fear that this is just one more thing.
In the past my actions did not much matter as I was responsible only for myself. But now, my actions will affect many—my entire family.

To this point, I have thought to abandon my faith in my path. The simple fact is that for the last decade my life has been driven by my faith—I have lived from the heart. I have repeatedly been driven to the brink of financial ruin. In fact, I was driven to financial ruin—all due to my faith or maybe by my misguided faith.

I cannot allow my faith or the following of my faith to harm my family. I cannot. I will not! This is the great dilemma set before me. Do I take up my pen and boldly go forth or do I allow it gather dust in the tranquil confines of my family. I cannot put my family at risk. I wonder if it is better to abandon that which I am called to do rather than to harm my family.

I repeat—you are a man of great faith, a great man of faith. You are one of the most faithful men I know.

Is that the only answer you can provide? You imply that I should trust my faith! My faith has gotten me here—and it has not been a smooth path!

I repeat, you are a man of great faith, a great man of faith.

Surely, my son, it is not lost on just how unique this family is for you. It is nearly perfect. There is no need of you to be financially responsible for this family.

In these moments, you have no plans to get a job to provide for this family. It is not your responsibility to do so. But there is a need within this family that you are uniquely qualified for. They have need of your heart, of your love, and, yes, of your faith.

I realize that I can provide a heart-centered life for these girls and for their mother. I do realize that I am uniquely qualified to do so.

I do not think you realize the full extent of the impact you can have upon this family.

I think I do and I don’t wish to minimize it. But you have often brought me into many situations and I perform whatever service you ask of me and then I move on. I fear that is what you will ask of me again in regards to this family—to provide some service and then to move along.

I have often left broken hearts in my wake. If feels to me that at times I have done more damage than good.

My greatest fear is to break these young girls’ hearts. And I cannot see how that can be a good thing. If I had any real backbone, I would refuse to enter into their lives.

Then why are you? If you are a man of such ill-will—then why are you entering this woman’s life, let alone these young girls’ lives? 

I am tempted to say because I am too damn selfish to stop myself but the real reason is because I have faith that I am on the right path—the perfect path.

It is possible that my path will only intersect with the girls’ path for a short time—a matter of years. It does not seem probable but it is certainly possible.

Yet I have the faith that if this is the case then this too would be perfection. I have the faith that while I may not understand the perfection of such an event, it would be perfect nonetheless. If I dwell upon the thought of leaving these girls, of this woman and of the broken hearts I would leave behind, my heart aches and I am will not be able to step into this relationship.

IF such an event occurred, your heart would be broken as well.

It was broken the last time I left. I think many people thought it was easy for me to leave. I did so with great faith—but it was not easy nor has it been easy to live my life of faith.

Beyond my the breaking of my own heart there was the breaking of this woman’s heart when I left her. She had the faith to wait for me but I also know the pain of her heart.

My faith life and the following of its path is not worth the pain of others.

The question is not whether such pain is worth it but if you are going to waste such sacrifice. Many, many people believe in your path, in your story, in y-our book. They have been willing to sacrifice their love—including their heartache—because they believe in you. Are you going to ignore their sacrifice?

You speak as if I have already abandoned my path.

Are you not considering doing so? Are your thoughts not currently filled with the idea that “a responsible adult” does not enter into a family with the idea of leaving it?

Never mind that I have never even hinted that I would ask such a thing of you—it is still on your mind. Your greatest fear is that I would bring you into most fulfilling relationship of your life and then have you abandon it to follow your path of faith. 

Never mind that I have repeatedly indicated that this relationship—this family—is a necessary step in your evolution. Never mind that I have indicated the necessity of you being grounded within this family. Never mind that this family has given you every indication that they are ready to fully love you—to embrace all that you are. 

Never mind all that—you still fear that you may abandon this family, and you further fear that if—by some act of God—did abandon them that it would be somehow less than perfect. Beyond all that—beyond all your fears—you claim, I repeat claim to believe that I send you nothing but angels and perfection.

So, Richard, what is it to be? Falling prey to your fears or embracing your beliefs?

I realize that is mostly a rhetorical question but it has brought me up short. I have never been one to get caught up in my fear pictures. I have always acted in faith—and I will continue to do so.

There is nothing but my faith life—even as it leads me into this woman’s life and her daughters’ lives. But I do like to acknowledge the possibilities and the consequences thereof.

I am very aware of the consequences of your faith life. I have known them since before you were born. I knew them before your mother’s, mother’s, mother’s, mother’s birth. Your impact upon the world cannot be overstated.

My dear and beloved son, your impact upon others lives is equal to Neale’s impact upon your life. His work literally changed your life. It set you on your own course. You have not made it the gospel according to Neale but have taken it into your heart and use it to live your life. It is literally the anchor of your heart-centered life.

So let me remind you of one simple and profound truth. It was not, nor is Neale’s words that impacted your life—but mine. He received my words just as you receive my words. As much as Neale’s words serve as an anchor so do your words anchor you within me.

My dear and glorious son, you are anchored within my words. So too will it be with others who read my words through you. This is your calling. Do not fear it, but embrace it. I have brought you to this moment in perfection.

You do not fully realize just how momentous this move into relationship is to our work. You feel it far too much about “the human experience” and far too little about your faith. I tell you yet again, you have but one life—your faith life.

So let me say once again—as you contemplate stepping into being the head of this family, of your family—you are one of the most faithful men I know.

You are a man of great faith, a great man of faith.

So, beloved son, keep the faith!

Sexuality and Spirituality

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dear God,

I am ashamed to say I have hesitated to write. In fact, I have delayed writing for several days.

My dearest son, Richard,

Those reading this will be fascinated to know why you have been reluctant to write. They believe if they had such gift (the ability to talk to God) that they would never hesitate. They are thinking there must be some sinful reason for your hesitancy.

I do not believe in sin and the reason is not sinful.

Yet you claim you feel ashamed. If you do not believe in sin, how can you feel shame?

An excellent question. Care to answer it?

No, but I do care for you to answer it.

Sin is a contrivance of organized religion. It is meant to cause one to feel guilty. More than this, it is meant to force one to conform—often to society’s mores and in some cases to the laws of the local government.

Interesting explanation. It seems to me that you are feeling guilty regardless of whether it is caused by “the contrivance of organized religion.”

I feel guilty exactly because of what is implied in your first statement. Being able to receive messages from you is a gift. And I feel as if I am abusing it by taking it so for granted that I can ignore it.

You certainly can choose to ignore it. You have done so quite well for the last several days.

I felt no urgency to write.

Your hesitancy began on a day you wanted to work on the revision of your book.

May I pause this conversation?

No. You may not pause it, but you may interrupt it.

Ok. Ok. So I see you are using semantics against me. Fine. I would like to interrupt our conversation and hold a conversation about the use of “your book.”

We have held this discussion before and we are in agreement. We—that means you—agreed not to get hung up on it.

Yes, we did agree but I cannot remember if we recorded it. I still bothers me when you use “your” to describe our book.

Let me clarify it one more time then. I will gladly do so for our readers benefit but then I do expect you to let go of it.

I thought God had no expectations of us?

And you accuse me of semantics? (Wry wit.)

I do not have expectations—not of you, not of our readers—not of anyone. But I do have preferences.

So let me rephrase: I would prefer if you were to let go of this issue regarding if the book is the property of you or of you and I.

You have received my dialogue and recorded it. You have participated in these conversations and recorded your part of the dialogue. There is literally not a single word that has not been written by you.

Furthermore, I have gotten you to understand—and therefore agree—that the word your contains the word our and I thought we would not have to discuss this further.

I wish to clarify one more very important thing. I am not a judgmental . . . punitive . . .vengeful . . . or vindictive God. I never was. I never will be.

I do not possess an ego although I will admit to occasionally finding it entertaining to act as if I do. I cannot be offended and do not desire to be worshipped.

I seek only that which every soul seeks: to be loved as I am, for who I am and not some preconceived idea of who I am or more accurately, a misconception of who I am.

With that said, I am not offended by giving you the byline for y-our book.

We were discussing your hesitancy to write. Which you have obviously overcame as these long paragraphs give witness to.

The last time I wrote to you, we got distracted and the writing ended up being a discussion about sacred lovemaking.

You may call it a distraction but I thought it was a perfect conversation held in perfect timing. It was relevant to what was and is happening in your life. It also brought a new understanding about a very old subject.

We, that is: you and I, continue to bring new understanding about sexuality and spirituality. And it is these subjects that I wish to discuss with you prior to you once again visiting the vision you have about your book.

This conversation is not a distraction from your revision work but a clarification of your present vision of the book

For the benefit of our readers and to help you to focus on our discussion, please list what you think the vision of your book is.

“How I came to love myself” and I hope our readers will “learn how to love themselves.”

This is a very simplistic staring of a very complex issue for all of mankind. All of mankind struggles to simply love themselves.

To love thyself is the highest honoring of God. The easiest way to fulfill the first commandment—to put no other gods before me—is to love oneself. In loving yourself, you love and honor me.

Now, my dear son, Richard, you more romantically stated this vision when you recently changed the name of y-our book.

Once again, please, share that statement.

“A memoir of how I found peace and harmony for my life and along the way found out how to love myself.”

(After cutting and pasting this statement, I thought about revising it, sure that I could improve it.)

There you go again. Already you want to tinker with the phrase. That’s fine as that is what writers do. My son, regardless if you think so, you are a very good writer. You, my son, touch hearts, and that is no small thing.

I realize I touch hearts.

You do not just touch hearts, but profoundly touch hearts. Even in your so called casual acquaintances, you touch hearts. Even in such circumstances, they feel blessed to have known you, to know you.

You recently have been exploring sexuality and spirituality. Or I should say you have been more deeply exploring it. Our last conversation is an example of that.

It was very brave and candid of you to speak of your desire to make sacred love to another man’s wife.

Am I not breaking another commandment? “Thou shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.”

Do you truly covet these wives?

I think I do. Before answering, I even looked up the definition.

Let’s examine that for a moment. The phrase you are currently looking at says “without due regard.” It seems to me that you gave not just “due regard” but very careful regard.

In our last writing, you spoke of the desire but also the conviction not to act.

I will not make your desire a sin, nor should you.

But clearly my desire—by definition—is wrong.

And I tell you, it is about your intent. Do you wish to possess the women in question?

I don’t think so. Not in the way I think you mean.

Okay. I see I need to be more precise.

Do you wish to have intercourse with the women in question?

Do you wish to spill your seed within them?

Do you wish to take them as your wife?

I wish to do none of those things nor would I as long as they were married.

Your desire is to make sacred love to them. You gave a very detailed description of that process during our last writing. You even spoke of physical arousal and how you would handle that situation.

Yes I did.

And it was a beautiful description of how sexuality and spirituality mix.

Nonetheless, I will bet any husband reading it will think I desire to violate their wives.

But the wives and women reading it strongly understood your intentions. And more than a few desired to be made love to in such a manner. An equal number wondered what it might be like for you to continue the process to include sacred sex. Such wonderings are no more sinful than your desire.

Please tell me of your desires.

My desires always involve love. This is particularly true of the desires I shared in our last writing.

Yes, I do want to touch these women’s naked bodies but only in the most sacred of ways.

You wish them to feel loved in ways that only sacred touch can express. We are both aware that such lovemaking can be very healing. In fact, you cannot touch in such a manner and not heal. You cannot be touched in such a manner and not be healed. You are very aware of this my son, as you have recently been healed by touch.

It is through your heart that you desire to touch in such a manner. I repeat, through your heart—not your penis.

I bet most men reading this believe I am just using words to justify my lust.

Such thinking comes through the penis and the testosterone of the testicles. You are not so encumbered.

Which makes it easy for me to look beyond hormones.

Man, men, are quite capable of looking beyond their own testicles—but seldom do so. They see lust where none exists. They are insecure for they know they could be better lovers. They know beyond question that women desire to be made love to in the sacred manner which you have described. They believe you are using words to entangle their wives desires.

Aren’t I?

You know better. It is not words that you are using, but love. A pure unconditional love that surpasses physical desire. A love that common lust would besmirch. Such love can be physically expressed without moving into sex acts.

Sexuality and spirituality can and do mix.

You said that’s what you wanted to talk about.

It is. Or more accurately, I want to talk about the sexuality and spirituality that is contained within your book. At the present it is more than thirty percent of the content and you have been worried about that.

I have been. It seems disproportionate to the rest of the content.

Once again I will remind you that you worry too much. But as it seems to be a common human condition, we will look beyond it.

I am not sure that the discussion of sexuality and spirituality serves the vision of the book.

Let me clarify your vision. You articulated it much better in the romantic phraseology than in the simple statement: “learning to love yourself.” You did not simply choose to love yourself and then proceed down a path to pursue that. As in life, such a journey of self-love is seldom so straight forward.

Instead you sought to find inner peace and harmony. Most of your spiritual journey has been in search of these. You went through many transformations along the way including an exploration of many different organized religions. These all served your spiritual growth.

You came to a new understanding about yourself, about life, and about God. I was always there.

You have always held a deep faith in me. Such faith continually brought you to action—often in servitude to others. This is not so different from today. While others may observe that you serve only yourself—including your desire to make sacred love to another man’s wife, you and I know you do so in service to others.

Yes, my son, I am saying that making sacred love to another’s partner is an act of love, of service, I would even say an act of service to God. For through your touch they may be healed and thus come closer to me. Through your touch, your loving touch, they can literally be touched by the hand of God. You, my dear and brave son, often move beyond other’s understanding of what an act of God is or is not, and simply act. You do what you know in your heart to be true. And I tell you, your actions glorify me. You do so in service to me, and in service to others.

This is an old habit of yours and I would also say is the reason you came to earth. But I digress. Beyond your faith, we were discussing your path of personal growth, particularly your spiritual growth. Along your path in varying degrees you have found peace and harmony.

Bio-feedback meditation brought you peace during your cancer experience. It also helped you begin to understand self empowerment. You came to understand your own whole role in healing yourself. That is, you started to work in harmony with other healers to heal your body.

Through your exploration of various organized religions, you started to understand the power of ritual—very specifically the ritual of communion. You came to feel my presence during the liturgy of communion. This too brought you peace, but it was being in harmony with me that brought you the deep sense of peace that you so craved.

Throughout your exploration you continually sought that which would strengthen your connection to me. You sought to be in ever-deeper harmony with me and this gave you an ever-deepening sense of peace. Your faith—which was already deep—was also strengthened and deepened.

A natural outcome of this faith was action, that is, service to me as well as too others. While in organized religion you often served the greater community of the church and this too brought you a sense of harmony and closer to me.

Along the way many different spiritual authors brought you new understanding about life, yourself and about me. But you also learned about love.

You learned you had many misconceptions about love—about what it is and what it is not, and how love acts and how it doesn’t act. You learned servitude is not a sacrifice but a gift of love freely given. Along the path of exploration about love a couple of things happened.

First, your concepts about who I am and what I’m about changed. You discovered that I am love itself. And if that was true, then many of the things you were taught about me did not make sense.

The more you learned about me, the more intensely you loved me. In fact, you fell in love with me. No, no, let me restate that. You fell OUT of fear in me and feel in LOVE with me.

As you fell in love with me you slowly started to fall in love with yourself. And I do mean slowly. So slowly that the increments of progress could only be measured in the heavens.

So now we come to the present. You are in the process of revising your book. Within those pages is the journey of finding peace and harmony. Also within those pages, within your life’s memoir is the hidden story of how you came to love yourself. Your path of self discovery, of personal growth and learning to love yourself is not so different from many others.

Your memoir chronicles your exploration of various aspects of yourself and how you have found peace and harmony within and for your life. Your exploration has resulted in loving yourself. Granted, it has come in small increments but it has come. And I, for one, am proud of you for the journey and your personal growth.

As we have discussed spirituality, we now come to sexuality.

I wondered when you were going to explain that.

My dear son, you cannot rush this explanation anymore than you could your exploration. Your understanding about spirituality did not happen overnight. Your spiritual transformation was brought about by a thousand little experiences that resulted in both a deeper understanding about me and a closer relationship with me.

So too has been the exploration of your sexuality. Just as you are not the man you once were, you simply are not the lover you once were.

Agreed.

You have explored sexuality as few men have.

I think I was forced to.

I acknowledge that the damage done to your body during your cancer experience forced you to explore the sensuality side of sexuality more than the physical. You slowly learned that sexuality is about the connection rather than the release of seed.

My son, you are worried if your book’s discussion on sexuality and spirituality is disproportionate but I tell you it is not.

Sexuality is easily thirty percent of being human. I grant that many suppress sexuality within their lives and would argue that the aforementioned percentage is too large. That is a shame as the expression of sexuality is an excellent way to experience a closer relationship with me. That is, sex can be a beautiful way to experience me.

Many are not going to be comfortable with that idea. Or with the idea sexuality and spirituality are connected.

I absolutely agree with you—they are not going to feel comfortable with the ideas expressed here. That discomfort and moving beyond it is the point of this conversation.

It is not just important but essential that you include the information about sexuality and spirituality that is contained within your book. It is a grand exploration of these two subjects and it will expand minds and, I dare say, hearts.

My son, I know your heart and you mind and your desires. I know your greatest desire is to love the world and to effect change and if along the way you can provide healing, then you would like it all the better. I tell you clearly that the sharing of your exploration of sexuality and spirituality will do just that.

You have held this long conversation with me to convince me to not edit and or delete the sexuality and spirituality portion of my book.

You were/are full of doubts regarding its relevance and its importance. I ask, I politely and lovingly ask that you not edit it heavy-handedly.

Many of my closest friends and even members of my family are not going to understand why that portion of the book was written in the first place. Many of the same people did not like the last writing I shared, and I doubt they will enjoy this one either.

There are those who are serving to help you edit who will question it as well. If you chose a traditional print house to print this book, then the publisher would question it as well. But I caution you please, please, please consider these words carefully: the message within these writings as well as the section on sexuality and spirituality within your book are important. I cannot emphasize this enough.

I tell you, it is important. It is no small thing. The impact of your words is great. People will be healed by them. Their hearts and minds will be expanded, and I repeat, they will be healed. You, through your words, can release many, many, many from the bondage of guilt over their sexuality and the expression of it. My dear son, I also wish you to know—through your actions, through your sharing, you will also bring them closer to me.

There are also an equal number of people who will judge my words as being simply wrong.

Regrettably, that is true. They will not be able to see beyond their small-mindedness to see the greater truth. Yet it is important that they be exposed to your words as well.

Many people know of the connection of sexuality and spirituality but simply wish I was more discrete about it.

There is a time and place for discretion, but discretion should not be confused with censorship.

I realize, my son, that this portion of your book could be controversial. Within that controversy—even within objections to the shared material—are planted the seeds of understanding.

Whether to edit or not to edit, to share or not share all boils down to one thought that once again I am faced with: Who do I chose to be?

Indeed. And you didn’t come to this planet to play small.

I will do my best to edit judiciously.

Your courage is admirable.

We shall see. I have not yet published the book.

Anything else you wish to discuss?

Please do not downplay your personal courage. There are not many who would so openly share their lives.

Many, many people have written their memoirs.

Few are as revealing as yours is. You are so candid that many reading it wince. Others are left slack-jawed in awe.

I’m not sure about them being in awe, maybe in astonishment or outrage. I am sure there will be outrage.

You make that statement yet presume to downplay my admiration of your personal courage.

I do. I seldom feel courageous but am simply going about doing that which I have to do.

Is there anything else would like to discuss?

Let me make a brief statement about you hesitancy to write that you spoke about at the beginning of this writing. Once again this writing has not gone as you would have envisioned; nor did the last one.

A hesitancy to hold such conversations is a normal reaction within the human experience. There was no urgency to hold this conversation and so postponing it was also perfect. Thus this writing has arrived in perfect timing.

Do not allow others misconceptions about what it must be like to talk with me confuse you or misguide you.

I have often declared you to be my messenger. This is no small thing and in the human experience is more burden than blessing. Yet each time I call upon you, you step up and the ink flows upon the page.

In this case, in this writing and within your book I am asking you to convey a message about sexuality and spirituality. Doing so is far beyond your comfort zones and makes a difficult task even more difficult. By doing so you increasingly set yourself up for ridicule and judgment, yet you do not shirk from that which is set before you. I tell you, my most beloved son, you are not just a messenger, not just MY messenger, but a GREAT messenger. You are because I say you are.

In all humbleness, that remains to be seen. I will acknowledge I am one of your messengers. Whether I am a great messenger will be determined at a later date.

My beloved son, I will repeat: you are a great messenger because I say you are. I do appreciate your words offered in humbleness.

They were offered in the reality of my life.

And yet it remains you are one my most blessed of messengers.

Blessed be you.

(With my head bowed in humbleness and acceptance.)

Thank you.

Amen.

Sacred Lovemaking

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Dear God,

I am preparing to spend a couple of hours editing our book. But before I do, I want to speak with you for a few minutes.

I am extremely grateful for my life at the moment. It is filled with love, joy and adventure. Life is good.

Indeed, Life Is Good, my son,

Far too many miss the joy—the joy of adventure that is all of life. Even diversity is an adventure. I am happy that you find joy in life at the moment.

Your beloved friend has much to do with this. She has helped to open your eyes to all that you are. Through your experience with her you have expanded the vision of who you are. You have always been more than you conceived yourself to be.

She has not only opened my eyes—she has opened my heart. My dear God, I did not realize until I fell in love with her to the extent that my heart had been closed.

This is no small thing—just as your heart has never been a small thing. You, my son, love fully—with your whole heart. One needs only to step into your space to feel the power of your love—it radiates from you. This was the truth of what was, of what is prior to your meeting of this woman.

A chance encounter.

There was no chance encounter—but a divine moment of pure love, of pure attraction. For the two of you have attracted the other to bring both evolution and love. And of course, dear ones, to heal each other in ways that no other can.

Divine moment or not, it was a very brief encounter.

Pure connection happens in an instant. Measurable in micro-seconds—nay, in nano-seconds.

And so it came to pass.

Let us back up for a few moments. Please share what brought you to this meeting. Your schedule was extremely busy at the time, yet you made time for this meeting fully realizing that you may never attend again.

I went to spend time with another dear friend.

So love brought you to the meeting. Love guides your every move. And yes, my son, it is often for the love a woman. Most of which are happily married; yet, you often fall in love with them and them with you.

It is a fine example of being able to be “in love” with more than one person. And yet never disrespecting or diminishing the love they have for their spouses.

Yes, I have fallen in love with these divine beings and them with me. I wish there was a better phraseology for what we share but it does serve well to explain our feelings to others.

The phrase invokes memories of falling in love. Most everyone remembers those first few moments of falling in love. Yes, it involves infatuation but it also includes a purity of love that somehow brings us closer to you. Or at least a deeper understanding of you.

What God brings together let no one bring asunder.

Asunder is a powerful word. And I wish to remind those reading this that in includes any thought process that would debase the love this man shares with other women—married or not.

There is a level of purity of love that surpasses the romantic; that surpasses the physical. In its purest form it can manifest itself as a desire for physical touch to express itself. Not to just express it, but to exchange it.

This most often is expressed via a hug. A hug that engulfs them in love; a love so pure that they felt as if they have been hugged by me. And so they have, for I dwell within you.

You dwell within them as well. I too have felt as if hugged by you.

Yes, my son, I know you feel intensely loved by them. And through that love you know me. But I do not speak lightly of your ability to hug. It is no ordinary hug and you should not try to diminish the power of my description by equating it to their hugs. They simply are not the same.

I do not wish to diminish the impact their hugs have on me.

Nor do I. You feel extremely loved when within their arms. But I tell you truly: their experience of your hug is much different than what you are experiencing through theirs. I tell you: they feel as if hugged by God, by me.

I have been told of the power of my hug. I hug as I hug. But I am humbled by references “to having been hugged by God.”

You do not hug as you hug. Far too often you hug from politeness. I would say that all who you encounter would benefit from an engulfing hug. This you do not do. You often hold back.

Are you lecturing me?

Far from it. I am praising you. You are trying to dismiss the power of your engulfing hug by saying, “I hug as I hug.” I am simply not letting you get away with it.

I am not making a judgment in the above paragraph. I said “far too often” because your present society does not presently allow you to hug all who would benefit from one of your engulfing hugs.

I am humbled by a memory of when I refused your command to hug another. I realize in these moments how much that priest would have benefited from an engulfing hug.

There are tears in your eyes and upon your cheeks. There is true regret in your heart. And that was more than twenty years ago.

I regret the lost opportunity for another to feel the presence of God through a much needed hug. I failed you; I failed him; I failed myself.

That failure was a success. For you both—nay—for all three of us. I was blessed by this failure, for you and I became closer.

You have not refused me in a very long time.

That does not mean I have not missed opportunities.

I will remind you that others are equally responsible for having missed the opportunity to be hugged by you.

I will remind you that not every hug is meant to be an engulfing hug. That does not mean they would not benefit from such a hug, just that this is not it was not the moment for it.

We were speaking about falling in love with the divine beings in my life.

My son, I am sure that there is still some small part of you that carries guilt for falling in love with other men’s wives.

I have to constantly remind myself that my intentions are pure.

You think because the love that you have for these women becomes passionate that it is somehow impure? You think because your passion leads to thoughts of making love to these women that somehow your love for them is impure?

It is a fine line to walk.

Love, passion and sex are all different things.

Tell me, do you wish to have sex with these women?

No, not really.

Yet, you desire, strongly desire, passionately desire, desire with your whole heart to be naked with these women and to make love to them?

Oh my dear God, yeessss. (With humility and shame.)

And somehow you think that not just that such the act, but the very thought of doing so is wrong?

Yes. I guess. It feels disrespectful of marriage vows.

You feel it would be disrespectful or even an abuse of this sacred covenant?

Yes.

And what of your covenant with me to love one another?

I realize to make love to the women in question would be an honoring of that covenant.

Yes it would. But it wouldn’t be sex, would it?

I’m not sure.

Just because you might become aroused, just because she might become aroused by being made love to in such a manner, does not make it a sex act. An erect penis or a moist vagina does not equate to a sex act.

Perhaps it would serve us, that is you, I and our readers, if you would describe the love making your envision.

You have established the desire to be naked with these ladies, so let us move beyond the removal of clothing.

I want you to particularly pay attention to the setting of the space. Be specific.

First, as I set the space, my heart is full of love—a deep and pure love.

I gather candles. At least a dozen, maybe more. As we are going to be nude, it’s important that the room be warm. The candles additionally add a warm glow to the room that is palpable. As I light the candles, I start to think of the person I am about to make love to; I think about how much I love them.

My heart is filled with even more love. So much so that it starts to flow out of me and into the room. I imagine it filling the entire space. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall. It moves beyond the room, it flows out and away from the room. If present, any negativity flows out and away from the room. There is nothing but love in the room and thus, I start to create a sacred space.

Sacred—as in holy—as in dedicated and consecrated to, for and by me.

I next select music. Typically this would be selected from a variety of New Age music. It might be Enya, Yanni, Bliss or Celtic Women. Or maybe just instrumental music. Romantic music or love songs would not be selected. As I write this, I am listening to The Quiet Side by John Michael Talbot. While it would not be typically chosen to make love to, I certainly could use it in this situation. I would continue to flow love into the room, as the music brought a higher vibration to the space.

Next, I would bring a couple bottles of water to the room and place them conveniently. With the heat from the candles and the energy of lovemaking, the water will be refreshing. I often heat a small dish of massage oil and have it available.

The bed clothes are pulled back, with a sheet ready to be pulled up if my guest is chilled. A pillow is positioned. I may freshen the sheets and pillow with Febreeze.

All now is prepared and the sacred space is ready for my guest. It is important that we be comfortable in our nakedness. Creating the sacred space aids in this. When my guest comes into the room, their love adds to the sacredness of the space.

The world, our life’s concerns, remain on the other side of the space. We are here to express our love for each other certainly, but I also strongly feel that what we are about to share also honors you, my dear God. This IS a sacred space, and all else disappears, and we are one—my guest, myself and you. You are always present in such times.

This is the way of sacred lovemaking. I AM present.

So let us move forward in your narrative. With the wave of my hand the woman in question is upon your bed.

Are you aroused?

No. No I am not. I am in awe of the wonder of the moment. I am humbled, blessed and honored to have chosen to perform this act of love.

And that is?

To make love to them in the most holy of ways via the touch of my hands.

Describe this for me.

It is through the flow of love. The same love that flowed through me to fill this space and to make it sacred. Many know of the energy of Reiki and how it used to heal. The love that flows through me is similar.

Where does this love come from?

I believe from you. I experience this loving energy coming in through my crown chakra. It flows to my heart and then radiates through my body. I become aware of it flowing out of my heart, down my arms, to my hands, and then finally to my fingertips.

But in your case, there is more than just love energy.

Yes. I combine it with pure gratitude. I am truly grateful for this moment, for this opportunity, for this woman, and of course for you. My heart is filled with this energy and it entwines itself with the love energy and becomes even more powerful. This combined energy, this powerful force becomes almost profound in its ability to heal.

I tell you it is rare for these two energies to be combined in the manner that you do so.

How do you administer this force?

As I previously alluded to: through my fingertips.

Where do you start?

Usually with a single kiss. A soft, gentle and loving kiss. It is never a passionate kiss and is usually just the one, but there may a second. I may, or may not also softly kiss her heart.

It is always at her heart that I begin my touch. Just two or three fingertips. With this first sacred touch, she may gasp in the pulse of energy that has just surged through her body.

My fingers (just the fingertips of my right hand) slowly and gentle start to move across her body. From her heart, across her belly, to her hip, down her thigh, over her knee, and finally to her shin.

Not to her feet?

At this point, I am usually lying beside her and it is difficult to reach her feet. If she was on a massage table, it would easy to reach her entire body. But somehow, it seems more powerful that I am lying beside her on the bed.

And so it is. Your body radiates love—and gratitude.

My fingertips will cross over to the other shin and trace its way back to her heart.

I lift my hand and gentle place my fingertips upon her forehead and slowly trace a path to her heart. I return to her forehead and gently trace a path down the other side of the face returning once again to the heart.

Once again at the heart, I trace an ever-widening pattern as I have just described. This step may take ten to fifteen minutes.

Before you go on with your description, please describe what you know to be happening energetically as you do this.

Love—a pure love, an unconditional love, love that accepts her and her body as she is in this glorious moment—is flowing through my fingertips. Every cell of her body is started to feel this love.

I now move from using just using my full hand instead of just the fingertips. I take care to maintain a soft, gentle, loving touch. I may use vanilla scented massage oil at this point to aid my hand in gliding over her body. Somehow the scent heightens the sensuality of the moment and adds to the sacredness. As my full hand has more surface area than my fingertips, more of the combined energies of love and gratitude flow over and into her body. This becomes more intense as the lovemaking continues.

And now her body truly lights up, she starts to glow.

She feels incredibly loved. I continue this soft and gentle massage. The pressure is always light upon her body. This step may take at least a half an hour, maybe more. At this point, I do usually move so that I can caress her entire body.

Her entire body?

Within limits. I may touch her pubic area, but not her genitals. I will touch her soft inner thighs and her breasts and nipples.

Aren’t her breasts also an erotic zone?

Yes, but I strive not to arouse her breasts but to simply love them in a way that honors her womanhood.

Does she become aroused?

Sometimes. Few women get touched and caressed at this level. And certainly never with this level of unconditional love. Even if she is aroused, I do not stimulate her genitals.

So give me the flipside. (Smiling)

(Soft chuckle) I do ask her to roll over and I continue the process. Soft, gentle caresses alternated with the touch my fingertips. I once again trace an ever-widening path upon her body. Always with flowing love and gratitude through my touch.

And this is when you become aroused?

Sometimes. I am a confirmed ass man. There is nothing more beautiful to me. While I do not enjoy anal sex, the shape of the ass, the softness of the skin, and the way it jiggles I find highly arousing. If I do become aroused, I move my body to hide it for this is not a sex act. As I concentrate on what I’m doing, my erection falls away.

Have you ever had a woman reach orgasm just from your touch?

It has happened, but rarely and usually not without genital stimulation. I would only do so with a lover and not as sacred lovemaking, but only as part of sacred sex. But as this is not a sex act, this is where I would stop.

Well not quite. I usually end with a gentle kiss upon the head and cover her body with a sheet or coverlet to keep her warm. I would usually leave the room, and allow her to soak in the afterglow of having been made love to in such a manner.

I will say that I have been told that many women find sacred lovemaking more satisfying than an orgasm.

Love is like that. Few people have been loved at the level you are speaking about. I should mention that you also heal with your loving touch. You heal areas they didn’t even know needed to be healed.

So I have been told.

So this is your idea of sacred lovemaking and what you desire to do with these married women?

With my whole heart.

Do you feel guilty about your desire?

I think it prudent to point out that I while I have made love to many women in this fashion, but I have never done so with a married woman. I do desire to do so with my whole heart. In some quiet moments, yes, I do feel guilty about this desire, but usually not. And that in itself bothers me.

Because you feel you are abusing the covenant of marriage vows?

Yes. And I am not sure if our covenant with you to love one another supersedes the marriage covenant.

And if I told you that it did?

If I felt called to make love to someone in this manner, then I would probably proceed. Guilt-ridden I’m sure, but I would proceed nonetheless.

Do you see that such guilt is in itself an act of honor rather than abuse?

To the extent that I can.

To conclude our discussion, let me ask you a few questions.

Have you ever been made love to in the manner you describe?

No.

After being made love to in such a manner, has anyone ever offered to make love to you in a likewise manner?

Yes. On occasion, but I always felt it was from a sense of obligation and reciprocation and I politely declined. As I said before, I prefer them to soak into the afterglow of the sacred lovemaking.

And I will also admit it is only recently that I have become fully capable of receiving such love.

Would you allow the woman in question to do so?

With certain restrictions, yes.

Pray, tell.

She would have to so from desire and not in reciprocation or from obligation. Nor would I want it to be during the same session as when I had given her the sacred massage. Or at least not until she had been able to transition from having been so intensely loved.

Is it not true that you would be just as happy if she never reciprocated?

My dear son, please share the thoughts that the mere thought of receiving such a massage has brought to your mind and heart.

To receive such a massage would surely break me to tears. I may well become a blubbering mess. I am sure I would cry.

Is this a bad thing?

No. Not at all. It would only be a reaction to the intensity of the love and healing I was receiving. As you well know I continue to struggle with fully loving myself. I have made great strides. Yet, in these moments, I cannot help but realize that the true message of our book is about my journey of how I have come to love myself.

It has truly been a Journey of the Heart. You give so freely of yourself, as this narrative of sacred lovemaking so obviously demonstrates. I would tell you that it would not hurt for you, too, to feel loved by me in the same fashion as these dear sweet women feel when you make sacred love to them through your touch.

Oh, I AM quite sure it would hurt. I would be exquisitely, emotionally overwhelmed with love. So much so that it would nearly be painful even as it would be blissful. And I realize it would heal areas that I have for far too long ignored.

And so it will be.

Are you saying the woman in question and I will indeed make love in such a fashion?

To each other. Without breaking her marriage covenant and with the full knowledge of her husband.

Many reading this will not believe you are advocating such a thing.

Many reading this have very limited ideas about me and about what is sacred. I tell you such lovemaking is sacred even when not shared within a marriage covenant.

By the sharing of this conversation, we are stretching their limits and expanding their understanding about love, about sex, about life and about me.

While we are expanding their understanding, let me ask you one last question.

I know what you’re going to ask and while it has the potential to embarrass me, I will not only answer it, but I will post it verbatim.

Excellent! So let me ask the question.

Have you ever thought of making love in this manner to another man?

Yes, I have. And the desire was equally intense as my feelings to make love to these married women. I wanted to do so with all my heart.

Was the desire sexual?

Not at all. Only an expression of my love for the man.

Did you do so?

No, not yet.

Not yet? You mean you would actually do so—beyond the thought or desire—you would act? (Slightly incredulous.)

If circumstances provided the opportunity—yes.

It is very brave of you to admit to this.

My sexuality does not come into my desire to make love in this manner; just as it doesn’t with a married woman.

Others will judge you for admitting to this desire.

The real question upon their minds is why on earth or maybe I would say why in heaven—are you not judging me for having the desire.

Simply put—I do not judge. Regardless of what is written (and interpreted from) ancient texts, I do not judge.

I will say one last thing to this.

There is no shame in nakedness, in touch, in love or in sacred touch. I tell you this: all of these can bring a deeper understanding and therefore a deeper relationship with me.

So. As I leave you, my son, I do so with these last thoughts:

Blessed be you, and

Blessed by your sacred lovemaking, and

Blessed by those who you make love to, and

Blessed be all who read this, and

Blessed be those who hear the truth of these words.

Blessed be this sacred sharing.

Blessed Be All.